Unconditional love and all of its humbling lessons…

Negative Thoughts : 1897438145206754872584926

Social Media is brutal for my mental health sometimes...🥵 Usually I'm cool, l really don't care that much....but uhhhhh sometimes it sucks me in and wastes so much of my precious time. 

I feel so uncomfortable when situations I thought I healed from come back to haunt me in form of IG post…woke up at 3:30am couldn’t fall back asleep. A few pictures here and a couple videos there, and just like that the stories start. If you know me you know my bff is a professional storyteller. If we are reflections of the people we spend the most time with - you do the math. Generally speaking, I find this an amaaaaazing asset….but when the stories are negative and self-deprecating… It can get dark pretty quickly...I’m told I’m very creative…especially with my dark side 🥵🥵🥵

It was King’s Birthday Celebration this past Sunday, which we hosted at The Origin. It was so nice. So much talent, so many good vibes. We did our thing and then we all went to the Hip Hop food drive at DEKUF. There, I was face to face with humans (2 to be exact) who make me feel uncomfortable. I love uncomfortable, I feel in these situations we really find out who we are. BUT— Fast forward a few days later (you know when everyone is posting content of the events)….and I’m asking myself questions.… wishing I could make sense of some of it.

I am not my thoughts. I am simply the observer experiencing this present moment. My brain creates thoughts which are the lenses through which I perceive my reality- so it is up to me to make sure my mind (brain) is in it’s best, healthiest, juiciest state it can be. I train, pause, educate, and play with this bitch every day!

I don’t know much, but I do know life is too short to get lost in negative thoughts. Reflection is good, some would even say critical, but you can't let it take over. If you haven't mastered yourSELF, bad thoughts (in my experience) are a gateway to certain types of behaviors I'm generally trying to heal and grow out of. It is so hard to deprogram, reprogram and allow yourself to just be 👀. Between what we think we should be, and what others and life want us to be...it’s a lot.

It is so humbling for me when people I care for become mirrors of rejection. I believe the feeling of separation to be just another illusion I had to become aware of…but I still think I feel it sometimes.

I’m grateful for all experiences that allow me to expand and evolve.   I believe other Humans to be mirrors of my self and carry medicine if i can be open enough to learn from interactions. The reflecting aspect can be brutal 🥵😅…but it can also be so liberating.  Today  I’m just soooo grateful for all of it. My practices, my journey, my teachers, the human mirrors, the healing, the medicine, the disagreements, the letting go, the setbacks, the comebacks, the conversations, the silence, the distance, the reconnections.....Not perfect, but present.

Today’s secret sauce: 2 hours of meditation, walk to coffee shop, 2 hours of pure brainstorming, one hot shower, one Dr Joe Dispenza video and one chapter of “The Mastery of LOVE” and I’m back baby! Back in love in my zone creating ❤️

Merritt 💋